There I said it. Phew . . . inhale . . . let it out . . . sigh.
Even now, after typing those scary words, I feel anxiety in the pit of my stomach.
A diagnosis doesn't change who someone is. It doesn't change who they have been for the past however many years in their existence. However, it does change the help available. It brings a new perspective to the table. It means recognizing and accepting that there will be periods of time when things go really smoothly and behaviors plateau, but it also means there will be many hard times ahead.
As our behavior therapist pointed out today, it doesn't mean that individuals will grow out of their ways--rather, they will learn how to cope with/into the world around them.
That learning is directed by effective parenting. *Another sigh.
I know I can do this. I was created to do this very thing--but right now . . . right now, it feels so much bigger than my very being. Right now, it feels very heavy and hard to carry.
I debated about posting this--even now, I am going through all of the pros and cons of writing these words. Certain individuals, who already have a sort of negative perspective on my mothering abilities, will feel that this has officially crossed the line. Yes, I guess I'm admitting that I fear this judgment. Certain individuals will say that this embarrasses our family or said individuals or the diagnosed. Certain individuals will say that if only we had done certain things differently or if we would stop trying to place a label . . . Certain individuals would even argue the existence of such diagnoses.
I'm not certain individuals. I deal with the ugliness and the beauty behind this three-letter acronym every day. I need support. I need awareness. I need understanding. I am not ashamed. The fact of the matter is that we may find ourselves on and off again in behavior therapy for an indefinite amount of time. That behavior therapy is not a therapist teaching my children how to better behave. Instead, that therapist works with me to teach me how to be a more effective parent, based on the tendencies that go with this disorder.
The fact of the matter is that this diagnosis is part of my life. It does not define me or my loved ones. It does change how we live.
I don't know how most parents measure up a successful day. We measure in melt-downs, tantrums, positive self-phrases, praise, aggression, time outs and restraints, concise statements, consistency, structure, and Child's Game.
The mind is a beautiful thing and seeing the world through new eyes and a mind wired slightly differently definitely offers a new perspective. I work on this each day.
7 comments:
I do understand how hard it is to put these things out there but if there is anything I have learned, it is that you and others will benefit from being REAL and down to earth and not trying to hide something to save face! You are an amazing mother and I truly believe that your kids were sent to you because you're the right woman for the job!!! Much love to you and your family, Keri!
i totally agree with Janine's comment- you are amazing and you are the right person to be raising the kids God granted to you. Call me if you ever need to talk! Life is crazy with 3 kids but we can do it! Hugs!!!!
Keri, I had no idea you have been going through this. I'm so sorry. Remember that YOU are the mom and YOU know what is best for your children and your family. Other people can say what they want, but it is not their child or their life so their opinions do not matter.
I really admire you for being so open on your blog. I'll be praying for you.
I'm glad you are brave, Keri, and you shouldn't worry one second what those certain individuals think! Easier said than done, though, right? I am not in your shoes but I know how very hard it can be when your child is struggling, for you and for them, and that anxiety in the pit of your stomach. Keep on truckin, girl. Wish I was there to give you a hug in person. But I am so certain that our children are our own for good reason. You need each other. And you are right, a person is a person, with or without the diagnosis. When I think about my own little one in particular it has helped me so much to remember what you just pointed out, I am not going to fix her or change her but the "learning to cope" is a remarkable, beautiful thing. Lots of love to you.
It isn't a label don't you worry lady. My sister has a little man that is bipolar and a little miss with autism and like you said, a diagnosis opens up so many avenues of help and understanding. It is so hard! All of it. But a beautiful thing happens when you start to understand what drives them and their behavior. What an amazing woman you are. I just love your guts.
"Life isn't about waiting out the storms, it's about leaning to dance in the rain." and you dance beautifully! You're doing an amazing job! No one can know exactly what you are going through each day so they have no room to judge. Keep dancing girl, you're doin' great!
YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF GOD, A WOMAN OF GREAT WORTH!!! You are such an amazing Mother to those boys!! I agree with all that has been said by everyone else. You're a wonderful Mother in Zion, any your sweet boys are with the perfect woman to be their Mommy. LOVE YOU BUNCHES!!!!!
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