"A Twinkle In His Eye"

As Christmas is almost upon us, we find much excitement in the air around our home. Particularly, our Matthew is thrilled about the holiday and all of the things to go with it. And although, Matthew and David have been extremely sick with RSV and pneumonia and crupe and ear infections, etc. . . . so much is still happening. I've found myself many days pausing to reflect on our year of trial and growth, and I've found myself thanking Heavenly Father for these sweet little bundles I get to stay home with each day. On the floor you will see a broken handle lock and a pajama shirt. In the middle of the night, Matthew went to our laundry room, removed his pj's and dressed himself in this (below). Every day he asks me, "Can I wear my Star Wars shirt and airplane shirt to bed?" Most days, I respond "yes", but sometimes it's in the wash. This NEVER stops Matthew from seeking it out. And the outfit is NOT complete without jeans--oh yes, they're so comfortable to sleep in--not at all!

Santa. We've never really pushed the whole Santa idea. But as Matthew is getting older, he is getting more and more into this figure. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know he's a child, but it bothers me that the birth of our Savior would compete with this imaginary, even worldly figure. And I'm sure several people are reading this, thinking I'm over the top, but I seriously hate how out of control people get over the holiday. I love to give and enjoy seeing my children open their gifts on Christmas day, but I hate the commercialism. Does that make sense? Anyway, Matthew apparently loved Santa. The photographer took some shots of him whispering in Santa's ear and laughing with him. He did give us those, but I'm too lazy to scan them in. And Matthew also delivered a note to the man in red. (I stayed home with David while Ryan took Matthew to the church breakfast.)

Projects. This is a boy who loves to create. We have done a cooking project or craft everyday. Although, I have not taken pictures of everything. Mostly, we've done just really basic things and googled some things on the internet. Upcoming projects include cookies, gingerbread house decorating, candies, carmel corn, more light looking, snowflakes, and possibly more internet stuff if I can muster the energy. Anyway, Matthew's really enjoyed it.

The other night, actually it was the night before my birthday, I came home from enrichment to find Matthew screaming in his bed. Ryan said he had given him a blessing, but he was complaining that his ear hurt. I pulled him out of bed and held him on the couch. I held him for several hours trying to soothe the pain, giving him some Motrin and an antibiotic, but nothing to cure within that short of a time. What a healing experience this was for me, though.

Matthew's and my relationship has been so back and forth lately. We've really been struggling with his behavior and compliance. Anyway, as we lay there, I took the opportunity to indulge myself in his sweetness, to count his freckles, to hear his little heart's desires, his prayers, his thoughts, his divine characteristics, and individual personality. I had the chance to fall in love with him all over again. He was coughing so hard and he came close to vomitting. When he burped he told me, "Excuse me" even though he was in such intense pain. He said, "Thank you, Mommy, for letting me wear my favorite shirt." "Baby Alec came out of Gabi's tummy and I want to play with him when I visit him." "Sing 'Baby of Mine', Mommy." "Oh, our David is so cute, Mom." "I'm gonna bring her a rocketship, cause I love her." "I want to talk to you about something else too, about space and about rockets and planets and satellites . . ." We had so many little conversations that may not seem to mean anything, but when you add them up, my heart is overwhelmed. I have so much love for this little child of God. He is special. He is amazing. And he is mine. Matthew has blessed our home in so many ways. His little mind is so sharp and complex.

I cried when I heard the doctor diagnose the RSV and pneumonia for David. My mind went back to late March of this year and last year. I thought about making another long stay in the hospital. Matthew immediately came over and told me, "Don't cry, Mommy. I love you so much that I'm gonna draw you a rocketship. It will be okay."

It's been such a rock bottom week in many ways, and yet, I've felt the love of the Lord the entire time. When I wondered how we were going to pay for prescriptions, as we already emptied our pockets a few times this month with medicines and medical bills, the doctor gave us $300-400 worth of samples of meds. Feeling a little frazzled with the long routine of breathing treatments--extended from 6 minutes to 30 minutes, four times a day due to the increase to 4 steroids, and other administration of meds by myself, my visiting teacher brought our family dinner. She didn't call. She just showed up. We've received so many answers to prayers. I know it's a growing period for our family right now, which like the quote above says, "requires a little bit of stretching, discomfort and pain," but things are going to be all right.