Blessings

We made it through our first week of school and much more. And Matthew loves his school too. He's trying so hard to listen to his teacher and make friends; it's really sweet to hear him tell me about each day. He's so excited about school.

I'm writing this post, because I feel like lately, I have been too much of a complainer. Really, I've taken so many blessings for granted in my life.

This particularly came to my attention when I took Matthew to the doctor on Thursday morning. Because we are on Medicaid until Ryan's insurance through PISD starts, it's been really difficult to find specific types of doctors. And when you do, it's hard to find places where you can trust the sanitation of the office or even the staff. I hope that's not taken the wrong way. I feel like Dallas offers so much, but being on this government program has definitely opened my eyes. Most of the time, you feel like a number and you're herded through the door with little or no consideration.

Anyway . . . for this particular doctor, we have to drive all the way to south Dallas, and I mean to like the very tip of southern Dallas--a scary place where perhaps you've seen pictures of it in movies to stress the point of poverty, crime, and stereotypes of a large city like Dallas. A place like where my brother-in-law works and calls the "gun shop" and "knife shop", because he has removed more of those things from people than he ever imagined nor had any prior knowledge of before coming to Parkland. I'm not talking about Parkland, but an area close in proximity. It is what it is, and until we have other insurance, this doctor is the only one who can treat Matthew's needs until the age of six years in the Dallas metro area.

So . . . we arrived at this clinic about an hour after leaving our house via HOV. As always, there were crowds of people waiting to see the doctor. So . . . we took the available seat(s) next to a man and a woman. Unfortunately, Matthew and David were too afraid to sit down, so they each clung to me--Matt to my left leg and David around my waist and torso. Matthew was too afraid of the man to even turn away from him and started saying random phrases to the effect of "That man is creeping me out. Will he hurt me? I want him to go away." While sitting there over the next 45-50 minutes, I had the chance to observe what some might consider a year's worth, maybe even a lifetime's worth of chaos and absolute absurdity. I saw a woman walk in with her friend and her friend's little boy. The little boy sat quietly on the woman's lap with one hand on her breast on the outside of her shirt and the other hand inside on her breast--all the while attempting to remove the shirt. The woman's friend, who was actually the biological mother, kept saying things and laughing about it. I saw a woman punch her son (I'm guessing he was close to 10 years old) hard in the chest because he was bothering her. And she put her fist back up when he talked to her again. I heard another mother abruptly shout across the room to her daughter, "Kurtasia, if you don't stop it, I'm gonna come over there and whoop you." I saw a group of guys come in, decked out in gym shorts, baggy t-shirts, basketball shoes, oversize ball caps, earrings, and ipods. It took me about 10-15 minutes to figure out which one was the father. When he went to turn in some paperwork, I caught glimpse of a wedding ring. After about 35-40 minutes of waiting, David needed a diaper change, and this office has no changing table of any sort nor would I ever consider using a table or floor anywhere. I took David and Matt out to the car and brought them back in to the bathroom so that I could wash my hands. I decided it was probably a good idea to have Matthew and myself use the actual bathroom since it would be such a long time before we arrived home. I guided the boys back to the open-doored handicap stall. Come to find out, there was a woman in there, irritated that we walked in. I quickly apologized and tried to figure out why the door was not shut. At any rate, there was no toilet paper in any of the other stalls and I worried about catching something anyway . . . we quickly exited back to the ever-inviting waiting area. Upon our re-entrance there was a little boy attempting to smash the glass of the vending machine because he "wanted to steal some candy".

Gosh, reading over this sounds like more complaining, but I guess without walking you through this visually, it's hard to understand my feelings of gratitude.

I called my husband and my mom up and quickly replayed some of the things in my mind. Did those things really happen? How could they? Is the insurance company really sending me to the ONLY possible office in the entire Dallas area?? I laughed. Because if I didn't I was going to cry.

I realized how grateful I am for a mother, who never beat me or hurt me in any way. Whenever she was upset with me, she let me know and talked to me about it, and one time, I was swatted with a brush because that's what was in her hands, but NEVER was I mistreated. Both of my parents had their beliefs and ideals at the forefront of their minds when raising me. I never questioned their role as parents and mine as a child. They instilled values and morals in me that will stay with me always. After being in this place, I realized how blessed my family has been. We have the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We have so much knowledge. We know about human decency. We have so many temporal blessings. And I realized how I want to treat my children. Never do I want to be cruel or unkind. Never do I want my child to fear me or think that I'm competing with them. And last, my situation can always be worse. Ryan has a stable job that meets our needs and then some. We are free. We get to worship how we want. This coming November, we get to voice our opinion in a big way. I have two wonderful children, whom I care about so deeply. I have a happy, healthy marriage, and I have such deep love for my amazing husband that grows day-by-day. I have knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father. I have faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, who has redeemed me and everyone who will ever walk this earth. I feel overwhelmed by my blessings.

I know this is such a novel, but it's really been so strongly on my mind.

And p.s. any of you in Logan who go to Treehouse or run into Bruce O'Very or Russell McKenna, please send my regards. I hate to admit it, but I didn't know what I had.